Monday, December 29, 2014
Tuesday, December 2, 2014
Beauty in the breakups
Sunday, September 28, 2014
Not hating our enemies is hard.
I saw something on Facebook: a plead for God to end the lives of those who were ending the lives of the Christians in their communities. I was concerned by this. By praying for the
death of someone, doesn't that sink us to our enemies' level? If we're at the level of praying for someone's death, the hatred we must be harboring in our hearts must be immense.Part of me wants someone, anyone, to do something that will stop the slaughter in Syria, but I, we, need to remember that by dying for us, Christ called us to a high standard of love and mercy. When he was hung up on the cross, Christ did not die only for the good Catholics and Christians who say grace before meals and worship every Sunday. He did not die for and love everyone except ISIS.
He died that death for ISIS, too.
Are they doing wrong? Well... duh. Killing is wrong, no matter what someone has done, because life is a gift that God should be in control of. But that doesn't give us the right to assume that we are better than people and that they are too far gone for redemption and hopeless.
Look at St. Paul. ISIS is basically doing the same thing that St Paul did thousands of years ago: killing followers of Christ in the name of God the Father.
If we ever doubt the ability of those we dislike, our enemies, to have a change of heart, just remember: St Paul's actions prior to being knocked off his horse were uncannily similar to those of ISIS.
Saturday, September 27, 2014
It's coming.
Big.
I've been working really hard for over a month on this, and I'm so excited to share it with ya'll.
Spread the word.
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
Tuesday, September 9, 2014
The Letter Project
Last weekend, I was feeling incredibly sad. No, not sad. I was desolate. I was in my bed, just sobbing, and it felt like all of my limbs had fallen asleep. I wanted my brain to turn off, but everything that was upsetting me just kept replaying in my mind, and I kept falling further and further as my internal voice taunted me, telling me I didn't deserve love.
But the thing is, I know I'm worthy of love, and more than that, I know I am loved! So, when I began to feel better, I called upon the people I knew loved me and asked them to do me a favor.
I asked them to write me a letter and mail it to me. My plan is to put these letters, unopened, somewhere safe. Then, whenever I feel the way I felt last weekend, I can pull out a letter and read words of love and friendship from someone I know loves me.
I've already gotten three letters, and I haven't opened one yet. That's great, but also, I really want to read what's in them.
Know that you are so, so loved. I know that you have people in your life who would do something similar in a heartbeat, or even quicker. Those who love you want you to know their love. If you feel like this letter project is something that could help you, I urge you to reach out to your loved ones, and I know that they will respond.
Monday, September 8, 2014
Keep Calm and Carry On.
Happy coping!
Coping Skills 101
1. Journal
2. Write a letter to someone.
3. Call a friend.
4. Color.
5. BLAST music
6. Go on a walk
7. Look at pictures of puppies!
8. Rip paper into teeny tiny pieces.
9. take a warm shower, and sing as loud as you want.
10. Say a rosary, and concentrate on your breathing. Hail (Breathe in) Mary (breathe out) Full (breathe in) of (breathe out)... you get the picture.
11. Write God a letter. Tell Him how you really feel. Don't worry about fancy language.
12. Have a playlist of stupid, funny youtube videos you can watch when you're feeling down.
Thursday, September 4, 2014
Searching for Augustine
That night, I went to daily mass on campus, and the chaplain preached about Saint Monica and how her persevering prayer was responsible for the conversion of her son, Augustine.Sound familiar? It did to me. Especially since I had recently decided to give up praying for a special intention, because nothing seemed to be happening.
In our lives, we all have "Augustines", people we pray for, but who don't seem to change, or who God doesn't seem to answer any prayers about. I know I have. And I know I've almost given up on them. Thank God that Monica, because of her maternal love, didn't give up on Augustine!
We are all called to be like Saint Monica, to pray and trust, even when God seems to be too busy doing something else. Find your Augustine, and pray like a Monica. God prevails.
Tuesday, September 2, 2014
In Honor of National Suicide Prevention Month.
One is a project that I have been working on since news of Robin Williams' suicide was made public. I'm really excited to share it with you, and am proud of all the work that has gone into this. If you have struggled with depression and would like to help, please email me at cloudywithachanceofcatholic@gmail.com .
I'm also fundraising for To Write Love On Her Arms, so if you are able to donate anything at all, I would really appreciate it :)
Thank you so much :)
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
We Are Book 8
I saw a shirt on the anniversary with the words "We are Book 8". At first I was confused. How are we, the fans, a continuation of the Harry Potter books? Then, I understood.
Harry Potter teaches the importance of love, friendship, bravery, and selflessness, among many other precious and priceless lessons.
It isn't just the characters who learn these lessons, but the readers as well. It is up to us, the Harry Potter generation, to continue the lessons that we were once taught to us by an orphaned boy who lived under a staircase.
May we live the values and qualities that would encapsulate book 8, if JK Rowling ever graced us with it. :)
Patron Saint of the Fall Semester
Saint Damien of Molokai, pray for us![/caption]Using Jennifer Fulweiler's Saint Generator (Like I did for my patron of the year) I prayed about a saint to claim as my patron for my current semester. I will ask for their intercession in my studies and in social life, as well as my spiritual life. I will also pray a novena to them, and learn more about them.
For the semester, my patron saint is Saint Damien of Molokai. I can't wait to get to know him better and to ask for his intercession.
“My greatest pleasure is to serve the Lord in his poor children rejected by other people.”
Thursday, August 14, 2014
My iPad![/caption]
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
I think we need to have a chat about suicide.
As you know, the other day, beloved comedian, actor, friend, father and husband Robin Williams lost his battle with depression. When I heard the news, I was devastated.My heart ached for his family, friends, everyone who he loved, and everyone who loved him.
But mostly, my heart ached for him and the pain I know he felt.
Maybe that's why Matt Walsh's article caused me so much anguish.
This semester, I found myself in a pretty bad depression. I felt alone, like no one cared, and I was hours away from any of my family or friends at home. One sleepless night, I found myself contemplating how easy it would be for me to simply roll off my lofted bed and end the pain I was feeling and the pain I was sure I was causing others.
Thank God that I never went any farther than that, and a breakdown after daily mass and discussion with the chaplain of my school forced me to reach out to others. But, this isn't the first time I've felt like ending my life was the only option, and other times, I had a plan, and attempted to commit suicide.
I have been at the brink of life and death. I have found myself grasping for relief and peace from my suffering. I have seen the light come in the form of ending my life.
So when someone says something about how, by commiting suicide, you are showing "The willingness to saddle your family with the pain and misery and anger that will now plague them for the rest of their lives", I'm bound to disagree. Vocally.
Were we there when Robin Williams sadly ended his own life? No. no one was, not even the all mighty Matt Walsh. Maybe when he chose to end his life, he thought he was relieving his family, and in a way setting them free of various burdens that he could have felt were put on them. Maybe he realized the wrong too late. Maybe as he died, he regretted it and cried out in sorrow.
We don't know, and it's wrong to assume that anyone who committed suicide suicide understood what his family would have to endure after his actions.
In memory of Robin Williams, reach out to people. Love them, show them that they and life are beautiful.
Holy Archangel Raphael, appointed by God to guide, protect and heal, I entrust to you all people who at this moment are contemplating suicide. You guided young Tobias on his journey and protected him from the spirit of death which sought to destroy his life. I ask you to protect all people from the road that leads to physical and spiritual death, especially those in most danger of despair and suicide. Just as you led Tobias by the hand, lead them away from the sadness of addiction to peace and joy. O holy Raphael, whose name means, "God has healed", bring them the Lord's healing. Lord God, hear the prayer I make together with your faithful servant Raphael. Amen.
Monday, August 11, 2014
100 Happy Days: Day 11
My Aunt Liza and I[/caption]
Wednesday, August 6, 2014
100 Happy Days: Day 13
The Best Jailors during Capture the Flag :)[/caption]
Friday, July 18, 2014
100 Happy Days: Day 12
My sweet little cousins, Reilly and Cecilia.[/caption]
Thursday, July 17, 2014
Tuesday, July 1, 2014
Empty Shelf Challenge Update (July)
June
The Elite by Kiera Cass
The Beatitudes: Eight Steps to Happiness by Raniero Cantalamessa
The One by Kiera Cass
He Gives and Takes Away.
Each pastor who has been at my church has touched my life and helped me see Jesus in ways I had never seen Him before. Especially Father Murphy.
Father Murphy was installed as pastor when I was sixteen or seventeen. It was around the time I was hospitalized for the last time for self harm, and began attending public school after being homeschooled for my entire life. I was confused about my faith, and Father Murphy made me sure again. In the confessional, at the pulpit, when he prayed so devoutly before mass in the pews, just... everywhere.
Although I am heartbroken to be losing his holy man of God, I feel so blessed that God allowed Father Murphy to play such a big part in my life. I feel comfort in knowing that now, another door will open for Father Murphy, and he will help someone else find God who needs it as much as I did four years ago.
Our Lady of Knock, pray for us.
Our Lady of Peace, pray for us.
[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="640"]
Me, Father Murphy, my sister Sarah, and Momma Mary. :)[/caption]
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
100 Happy Days: Day 9
A McDonalds strawberry milkshake :)[/caption]
BookCon 2014
Just a snapchat of Jason Segel. #casual[/caption]On June 1st, my best friend Katie and I were fortunate enough to attend BookCon 2014 in New York City! I thought I'd share some of the best pictures and highlights of the day.
[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="540"]
Jason Segel from "How I Met Your Mother", "The Muppets" and much more talking about his new children's book, "Nightmares".[/caption][caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="540"]
Cary Elwes signing.[/caption][caption id="" align="alignleft" width="720"]
Watching clips of "The Princess Bride". Doesn't he look like a proud father?[/caption][caption id="" align="alignleft" width="540"]
Selfies[/caption][caption id="" align="alignright" width="540"]
So exciting!!![/caption]
[caption id="" align="alignright" width="540"]
Jason Segel[/caption][caption id="" align="alignleft" width="540"]
Cary Elwes talking about his new book, which is about the making of "The Princess Bride"![/caption]
Friday, June 13, 2014
Can ya'll do me a solid?
My article was published on Yahoo Voices! It was originally written as my final paper for my Theology paper for my Lay Ministry class, and I loved it so much, I decided to submit it for publication. They must have thought it was pretty swell, too, because they published it right here! If you could do me a favor and go check it out, that would mean the world to me! Thank you!
Thursday, June 12, 2014
Empty Shelf Challenge Update (June)
May
No Future Without Forgiveness by Desmond Tutu ~
The Fault in Our Stars by John Green
Dad is Fat by Jim Gaffigan
Love, Rosie by Cecilia Ahern
The Jesuit Guide to (Almost) Everything: A Spirituality Guide for Real Life by James Martin
The Selection by Keira Cass
Delivered: True Stories of Men and Women Who Turned From Porn To Purity by Matt Fradd
~read for school
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
Monday, May 26, 2014
Newsflash! Women don't suffer from lust!
Just kidding. We do. We really do.
However, it seems to me that the world doesn't quite understand that yet. Women are the ones held accountable for keeping their brothers out of sin. No one seems to realize that women can face the exact same struggles.
I began looking at porn when I was around twelve years old. I found my grandfather's stash, and with a mixture of what was disgust and curiosity, I flipped through magazine after magazine every time I visited. I eventually discovered that pornography was easily accessible from the internet. It went from something I looked at on occasion to something I looked at at least once a day, if not multiple times.
When I first realized I had a problem, I looked up resources (Catholic, to be specific) to help me stop what I thought was a simple sin and bad habit. Everything I found was for men. Although I'm sure that many of the methods would have helped me if I had given them a shot, they made me feel like a freak. I felt like the only woman in the world who struggled with lust.
That's a lie.
Women do struggle with lust, and they struggle with pornography. If you are a woman who struggles with this, I'm writing this for you. You are NOT alone. You are not a freak. You are worthy of love, real, true love, and already beloved by a Father in heaven.
Maybe I'm wrong, but in my experience, it is next to impossible to just stop lusting and looking at porn. I haven't hit a point where I've permanently stopped, but I'm at a point where I realize the gravity of the sins I commit and am working hard to stop. Here are some things I've found helpful.
Ask God to help you see your true worth
It is important that you realize how beloved, important and cared for you are. Read scripture, religious writings. Surround yourself with positive people who uplift and love you. If you do not truly, fully believe that you are loved without end, without restrictions or conditions, I've discovered that you will continue to treat yourself as a purely sexual object, subjecting yourself to pornography.
"The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing." - Zephaniah 3:17
Get all of your extra energy out
I noticed that when I worked out, even for just twenty minutes, it helped me a whole lot in the midst of temptation. Even if you're super super busy, think of exercising as a way of pampering yourself, and just do it.
Understand Your Triggers
What is it that causes the temptation? Try to understand what situations lead to your temptations. For me, it was late at night when I was restless or bored and my phone was handy. I would put on nature sounds and concentrate on my breathing to help myself fall asleep. I would put my phone under my sheets so it was harder to reach in times when I'd falter. Maybe for you it's reading romance novels or watching romantic movies that can cause you to feel a longing for connection, but not in a good way.
Jessica Harris of Beggar's Daughter has a whole series on the importance of identifying triggers, and the different type of triggers here.
Your body craves porn but the moment and your mind justifies it, but the moment you are finished, your heart cries out “How could you!” and your mind says, “Yeah! How could you?” - Jessica Harris
Tell a Friend and ask them to hold you accountable
Being honest about your problem can lead to some surprises, including the understanding that you are not alone. It also gives you the power over the sin. If you are ashamed and humiliated by it, you are letting sin control you, and have power over you. God died so that we might have power over sin. Ask a trustworthy friend to hold you accountable with your struggles.
Jessica Harris also wrote a series on the importance of accountability here.
Bottom line: we have to have people. Pornography does not draw us toward people. It draws us into ourselves. It confines us to hours and days of secrecy, darkness, isolation, and fear, and many of you might be feeling the effects of that. You feel socially awkward, even paranoid. You feel depressed or lifeless. You feel like you’re drifting. - Jessica Harris
Reconciliation. Lots, and lots of reconciliation.
I know the sacrament of Reconciliation can seem scary and intimidating. For years, I could not say the name of my sin in the confessional. I always confessed my involvement with "some impure things". It wasn't until I (accidentally) said the name of the sexual sins I struggled with that I realized that they had no power over me. Through His death and resurrection, Christ has freed us from the bondage and shackles of sin. You are strong. God has given us power over our sin. Don't let the sin have power over you.
O death, where is thy victory? O death, where is thy sting? The sting of death is sin; and the power of sin is the law: but thanks be to God, who giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. - 1 Corinthians 15:55-57
Take advantage of the Eucharist
Did you know all Catholics have a secret weapon? Seriously.
Go often to Holy Communion. Go very often! This is your one remedy. - St. Therese of Lisieux
Our one remedy! The Eucharist is our hope! When we receive the Body and Blood of Christ, we get so many graces. Did you know that the reception of communion wipes out venial sins, and gives power to stand strong in the face of mortal sin. If you can go to daily mass, go. Maybe it cuts into your Netflix time (guilty), but going to mass, and listening to the word of God, and receiving Christ's body and blood is worth cutting into that House of Cards marathon. There is nothing like the mass and the reception of the Eucharist. Nothing.Hold On Hope
Hope is the theological virtue by which we desire the kingdom of heaven and eternal life as our happiness, placing our trust in Christ's promises and relying not on our own strength, but on the help of the grace of the Holy Spirit. "Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful." "The Holy Spirit . . . he poured out upon us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that we might be justified by his grace and become heirs in hope of eternal life."
You may stumble and fall, but know that our God is good, and that He wants to heal you. He wants you to spend eternity with Him.
Persevere
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. - Galatians 6:9
I am praying for you, sisters.
Friday, May 23, 2014
We are More.
The Fault in Our Stars tells the story of two cancer-ridden teenagers, Augustus and Hazel, and their relationship. Something that really stood out to me in the story was the difficulty that some characters had separating themselves from their illness, their flaw. This idea is first brought up in the second chapter when Augustus asks Hazel to tell her "story"
“So what’s your story?” he asked, sitting down next to me at a safe distance.
“I already told you my story. I was diagnosed when—”
“No, not your cancer story. Your story. Interests, hobbies, passions, weird fetishes, etcetera.”
“Um,” I said.
“Don’t tell me you’re one of those people who becomes their disease. I know so many people like that. It’s disheartening. Like, cancer is in the growth business, right? The taking-people-over business. But surely you haven’t let it succeed prematurely.”
Whenever someone asks me about myself, I tend to blank, like they're asking me about a complete stranger. Sure, things come to mind, like my depression, the fact I'm overweight, but I don't really want to tell a friend, "Hi I'm Katie and I'm a fat and depressed girl. Wanna see a movie on Tuesday?"
We always seem to see the worst in ourselves, our insecurities and flaws become our most prominent features. John Green, through Augustus, makes it clear in The Fault in our Stars that we are so much more than whatever we are at our worst.
What is your story? It's not your biggest mistake, or your inabilities. It's not your illness, your loneliness, or low body image. As Christians, our story is the story of Christ's death and resurrection, the death that He endured so that we may have life, and tell our story.
One of my alltime favorite songs is You Are More by Tenth Avenue North. The chorus says:
"You are more than the choices you have made. You are more than the sum of your past mistakes. You are more than the problems you create. You've been remade."
God sees us as beautiful, beautiful creatures that He made in His image. He sees past our failures and sees into our souls, seeing the potential for the ultimate greatness: sainthood.
How hard is it for us to see ourselves, or our peers, as God sees them?
At times, it can seem impossible. I know it feels like people don't see us the way that God does, but if we want others to look at us and see Christ, see our real story, we must adopt the ability to see ourselves the way that God sees us: destined for the most beautiful greatness of all.
Thursday, May 22, 2014
I am not the Girl on Fire or Divergent, but do I still have a battle to fight?
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
What is Modesty?
"Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God." - 1 Corinthians 10:31
This has been a question I've been thinking about for a long time: how do you define modesty? Can there be one definition of modesty?
So, I decided to look at a few sources to get an idea of what different people think modesty is.
According to Wikipedia, modesty is "a mode of dress and deportment intended to avoid encouraging sexual attraction in others..."
Although I guess that if you dress modestly, this can be a side effect, I don't think this definition covers even a fraction of what modesty really is.
Saint John Paul II said that the problem with pornography wasn't that it showed too much, but that it showed too little. What does he mean by this? Pornography shows not only the human body, but the person, as a sexual object with a sole purpose of sexual pleasure and instant gratification. Humanity is worth so much more than that, so much more than only being used for pleasure. In this Lifeteen post, the author says that this is the problem with immodesty.
So, with that in mind, we can say that immodesty is an objectification of the human body, and modesty is seeing the body as a vessel of the person within.
I once said that I wasn't modest. I'm still not sure if I am. Sure, I cover what needs to be covered, but in all honesty, it's not to reflect the dignity of my personhood, but to cover what I think is ugly.
So, I'm going to define modesty: Modesty is a way of dress which glorifies the Lord and reflects the dignity of the person.
We are called to glorify God in all that we do, not man. That includes modest dress and immodest dress. If we are dressing modestly simply to make sure that no one is sexually aroused by us, we are putting man before God. We are trying to please those around us.
Similarly, if we wear what is "cool" with the knowledge that it is not pleasing to God. We are putting man before God.
When you put something on, don't think what your grandmother or brother or father or best friend would think: think about what God would think.
Monday, May 19, 2014
100 Happy Days: Day 6
This is my dog, Thecla. I snapped a picture of her just as she decided it was time to lick her face.
Friday, May 16, 2014
100 Happy Days: Day 5
I posted this on Mothers' Day. It's a picture of my mom hugging me after I got my first tattoo, "strength" on my wrist. She encouraged me getting it, and never fails to remind me just how strong I am.
Thursday, May 15, 2014
100 Happy Days: Day 4
Finding out I got an A in my Theology class, Lay Ministry, was the highlight of my week.
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
Defending the Impractical Students
I started off the fall semester but finally taking the classes needed for my majors. I took Introduction to Literary Study I, and Introduction to Christian Theology. I also discovered that I'm good at philosophy, and really like it, to boot! Because I hate myself, I declared myself an English and Theology Major with a minor in Philosophy.
[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="279"]
Katie before declaring her double major and minor.[/caption][caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="332"]
Katie post-declaration of double major and minor.[/caption]But really, I am so glad I took on that Philosophy minor. It goes beautifully with Theology and English, and I have learned so much because of the classes I've taken and the skills they have taught me. Even though Theology, English, & Philosophy are considered to be three of the most useless majors (rude), I am so passionate about all three and the good they can do in the world.
Really, is any major "practical"? It's incredibly rare for college students to find a job in their major right after graduation, and most majors require a Masters' degree to get anything done. You can't really do anything with a psychology or sociology degree unless you go to school for at least two more years.
There are going to be people who judge me for my decisions, but there are also so many people who support me, and even respect me for it. Something I have learned is that, often, my biggest judge is myself. That's also the hardest judge to defend myself to. I can tell everyone why I've chosen my majors, "Because it's what I love", but when my inner judge comes out, no defense is good enough to excuse my "crime" of impractical majors.
I find myself second guessing my English major almost daily, "Should I have gone with communications instead? What if no one wants to hire me simply because I'm an English major?" Maybe choosing communications would have been more practical, but it wouldn't have led me to the self-discovery and passion I've found as an English major.
In the long run, I hope that's what matter. When I'm sitting in a job interview, and my interviewer asks why I chose English as opposed to communications, maybe "because I loved it. Because I wanted to learn to analyze, and understand, and write about what I analyzed and understood. I wanted to see how the world influences art, and how art influences the world. I am learning that.
Would I love to have a big house with a super stable job and a steady and heavy income? Well, duh. I am human. But I also know that things aren't going to make me happy. If depression has taught me anything, it is that you can get everything you want, and still feel worthless and unloved. Happiness is found in God.
I started this blog post out as "lessons I've learned after sophomore year" and it morphed into this... thing. Yeah, I'm not really sure what it is. But, I guess that's life, huh?
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
100 Happy Days: Day 1
This picture was taken the Saturday before finals. I was studying in the library with a friend for our American History class, which was also my hardest class. To help keep me awake, I got my favorite drink, and it made studying just that much better.
Monday, May 12, 2014
100 Happy Days: Day 2
The best study break? Watching the show you used to love when you were five :)
Saturday, May 3, 2014
Empty Shelf Challenge Update (May)
January
Allegiant by Veronica Roth
The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins *
February
The Dead by James Joyce ~
The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde ~
Mrs. Warren's Profession by George Bernard Shaw ~
March
Forgiveness and Love by Glen Pettigrove ~
The End of the Affair by Graham Greene ~
The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie by Muriel Spark ~
A Study in Scarlet by Arthur Conan Doyle ~
Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl by Harriet Jacobs ~
April
The French Lieutenant's Woman by John Fowles ~
The Reader by Bernhard Schlink ~
The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini ~
Atonement by Ian McEwan ~*
Maggie: A Girl of the Streets by Stephen Crane ~
Arcadia by Tom Stoppard ~
~read for school
*reread
Thursday, April 24, 2014
Roll Away My Stone
As I said in my previous post, my Lent was not as fruitful as I had thought it would be on Ash Wednesday. I failed in all of my sacrifices and additional prayers I had promised to partake in, and I felt like I was moving backwards in my spiritual life instead of forwards. I recently figured out why my Lent had been so difficult.It all began back in January or February. I was feeling depressed. It wasn't a big deal, I have major depressive disorder: feeling depressed comes with the package. For the most part, I was able to get over it on my own, so I didn't really feel a need to talk about it with my therapist or my mom, or anyone. However, I had no idea that the depression had taken a toll on not only on my mental and emotional health, but my spiritual life as well.
Since then, my prayer life has decreased, and I've been thinking things along the lines of "I'm fine without God's help". I was locked inside a tomb, blocked by a stone and unable to see the light.
But at the Easter Vigil, I felt something. I felt Jesus' presence so strongly that I wanted to cry. As Jesus' stone was rolled away and truth was brought to light, it felt like a stone that had been in my own heart was being rolled away.
Lord, I ask to to roll away all stones which are keeping me from being with you. Bring me to the light and let me live in your presence.
Friday, April 18, 2014
Good Friday Confessions.
All this week, I've seen posts about how wonderful an experience this Lent was for people. How they've grown closer to God, and learned humility, and their sacrifices all worked out.And then there's this girl.
I'm the girl who deleted the facebook and twitter apps from her phone, but didn't have enough self control to stay off of the sites from Safari. I told myself I wasn't using the apps so I wasn't *really* breaking my sacrifice.
I'm the girl who made the promise to go to daily mass every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, but in the entirety of Lent, went about five times.
I went to confession on Sunday night. And about two hours later, I sinned again.
And now as Lent's over, I felt angry at God that I didn't have some great spiritual experience. But, really, there's no reason to be angry.
I'm human. I'm gonna fall. I'm gonna get back up again, but chances are, I'll fall back down.
That's what Lent was like for me. A whole lot of falling and getting back up.
But: I got up. I didn't stay on the ground. I got back up.
My friend Christine wrote a great post that really spoke to me as I was struggling after my confession and immediate sinning. Through this weakness, God is giving me grace.
Tomorrow, I will be going to confession again. I'm getting back up, and I'm going to run.
Sunday, March 30, 2014
There's no such thing as a small victory.
Yesterday, I was super sad. Like, I climbed up in bed and cried for a good hour sad. It was not pretty. I remember when I was crying to myself, I was afraid that this meant that I was going to be in a major depression for the rest of the semester, like last year. But somehow, I was able to reach out to a friend, and told her I needed to talk.I never did that last year. I kept it inside until it hurt, and refused to tell anyone, including my mom and therapist. But this time, I reached out and asked for help.
I referred to my ability to do that as "a small victory", but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it wasn't small, in the least.
I could have decided to stay in bed crying, feeling sorry for myself, instead of reaching out and asking for help. I could have resorted to self harm, which I had in the past.
But I didn't.
That's no small victory. That's just... a victory. And it shows just how far I've come since this time last year.
There's no such thing as a small victory. Every victory is a sign of strength in its own way. Don't downplay your successes by calling them small. They're awesome, and I'm proud of you!
God is too. He doesn't require we succeed in big huge ways, every small success, He's so proud of us. He really is. He only asks that we try.
And if you don't succeed, He's right there, with a hand outstretched, ready to brush you off and help you try again. Reach out to Him. He wants to love you. Don't forget: saints are just sinners who got back up.
I'll be praying for you, warrior. Please pray for me!
Thursday, March 20, 2014
A prayer request
Dear friends,
I know I haven't blogged lately, but I'm trusting that you will respond to the prayer request I have for you. A newly hired professor at my school lost two of his young daughters (aged three and six) on Tuesday by the means of a car accident. Please keep the souls of Olivia and Emma in your prayers, as well as their parents, Sean and Becca, and their surviving sister, Vivian.
If you have even five dollars to spare, I urge that you donate it to this fund which is raising money to help with medical expenses, funeral arrangements, and other support that the family will need. Not all scars are visible, and this family is going to need the help of God and His people on earth.
God bless, and if you have a prayer request for me to post, please let me know!
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
46 Things to do for Lent!
"As Lent is the time for greater love, listen to Jesus' thirst...'Repent and believe' Jesus tells us. What are we to repent? Our indifference, our hardness of heart. What are we to believe? Jesus thirsts even now, in your heart and in the poor -- He knows your weakness. He wants only your love, wants only the chance to love you." -Blessed Teresa of Calcutta
'Twas the night before Lent... and we don't know what to do!
If that is you, I hope you find this post helpful!
For Advent, I came up with 40 different things we could do to prepare for the birth of Christ, and decided to do something similar for the upcoming Lenten season.
If you're anything like me, you have a really tough time coming up with what to do for Lent. I've been doing research for the past week or so, and decided to put my favorite ideas into one blog post (while giving credit to the original authors, of course!) as a resource for myself and for others.
- 40 Bags in 40 Days
- Choose 40 specific people (or 46, if you want to include Sundays) to pray for, one for each day of Lent.
- Read about the saints whose feast days fall in Lent. Pray to them and ask for their intercession.
(from here)- Do the CRAK Instagram challenge!
- Don't eat the last bite of your food (From Lifeteen)
- Watch The Mission (from Here)
- Fast from Facebook
- Pray for those who will enter the Church at the Easter Vigil.
- Do the Lenten Photo a Day Journey
- Give up all drinks except water
- Park at the very back of the parking lot (From Lifeteen)
- Watch The Way (From Here)
- Do a liquid fast 1x a week (From Domestic Fashionista)
- Make your bed every day (From Catholic All Year) - - my bed is lofted, so this is actually a big challenge I will be taking up for Lent!
- Do an audio retreat
- Do the Lenten Boot Camp (or parts of it!)
- Give up apps on your smartphone (From Lifeteen)
- Watch Bella (From Here)
- Fast from listening to music in the car (From Domestic Fashionista)
- Go to mass one more time than you usually do (or even more!)
- Read Pope Francis' The Light of Faith
- Don't eat out (From Catholic All Year)
- Read Pope Francis' Evangelii Gaudium
- Give up your bed and sleep on the floor or the couch (From Lifeteen)
- Give up texting and call whomever you need to talk to (From Lifeteen)
- Watch The Song of Bernadette (From Here)
- Give up TV and movies (or one of the others)
- Do a daily Examination of Conscience. (I use Mea Culpa, an app from Apple)
- Pray the Divine Office Daily (There are some great apps out there you can use on a smart phone or tablet... I love Laudate! It's also F R E E!)
- Fast on more than just the required days
- Give away 10 shirts, 2 pairs of pants, and a pair of shoes (From Lifeteen)
- Read Pope Francis' Message for Lent 2014
- Pray Lectio Divina
- Make a list of forty people who have impacted your life, and write each one a letter (From Lifeteen)
- When you wake up, jump out of bed, kiss the floor, and learn humility (From Lifeteen)
- Wake up at a specific time every morning (From Catholic All Year)
- Do Bob Rice's Forty Day Spiritual Workout. I use the iPhone app, but you can also sign up to receive daily devotions sent to your email right here!
- Give up using the facebook and twitter apps on your phone or iPad and only check when you are at a computer.
- Wear the same 4 outfits for all of lent (From Lifeteen)
- Fast from wearing any stretchy pants (From Catholic All Year)
- Everyday do 20 (or 100) pushups and offer it up for someone who’s sick (From Lifeteen)
- Clean your house (or dorm, or bedroom, or bathroom!) every week (From Catholic All Year)
- Leave a post-it with a positive message on it wherever you go (From Lifeteen) (Also... check out Operation Beautiful!)
- Drink tea instead of coffee (From Catholic All Year)
- Cut out all screen-time (phone, TV, computer) after dinner (From Lifeteen)
I hope that this is of some use to you! What are you giving up? Let me know in the comments! I'm genuinely curious and want to do a little project with the data I get :)
Friday, February 28, 2014
When God says No.
So.. He doesn't say no?[/caption]I have this picture up in my room. And I firmly believe that God will never leave me hanging, and that whatever happens, it happens for a reason.
But sometimes it feels like He's saying no.
Around a year ago, I applied to lead a retreat on campus. I didn't get it, and I was heartbroken. I realize now that a huge challenge was about to come my way, and I was not prepared to lead this retreat and take care of myself during this obstacle. The next semester, I took it to prayer, and I heard God's answer loud and clear: NO.
I remember being thrown back. No? But I was ready! I wanted this! But I heard it again, "No."
I was disheartened, but I trusted that God had a plan. That semester, my faith life flourished in ways it hadn't before. When the time to apply for this semester's retreat, I applied. My faith life was incredible. Life was amazing, and I was ready. I had my interview, and I thought it went great. My friends all assured me I would get it.
But then, I didn't. They explained to me their reasoning, and confirmed that my interview was great. They also asked that I apply again next semester. I understood, but it felt like God was giving me more nos.
I had thought about transferring, but whenever I took it to prayer, I felt so strongly that God had put me where I was for a reason. It made me nervous, and kind of annoyed, to be honest, but I've stayed.
When all my friends were asked to be FOCUS student leaders and I wasn't, I stayed. I waited.
It just felt like He was saying no a lot. And that's caused me a lot of despair in my faith life. I've been struggling in prayer, and had no desire to go to mass for the past few weeks.
And now I understand. God's never said no. God's said "trust me". I'VE been the one who said no, no to trusting.
I ask that as Lent approaches, you keep me in your prayers. I pray I will learn, through the example of Our Blessed Mother, to say "YES" to God's will, whether it is what I want or not.
Monday, February 3, 2014
So... I'm writing a book?
One of my New Year's Resolutions was to finish a book I had the idea for at the end of December. It was a Catholic young woman's daily devotional, using scripture, song lyrics, and quotes, and then having a reflection for each one.
I'm really excited about it, and I'd like to ask for your help! If you would like to write a reflection, please comment on this post and I'll get in contact with you!
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
Let Sin Go.
Wanna feel this free? Try the sacrament of Reconciliation![/caption]On Sunday, I hiked up a mountain to mass at the shrine on campus. I sat alone and asked God to keep me focused on what was important and to reveal Himself to me. When it came time for the homily, the priest spent his time talking about the beautiful sacrament of Reconciliation. At one point, he said something along the lines of:
"People might want you to conceal your sin, to hide it. But God wants you to be honest and open, to come to Him with your sin."
At that moment, the following lyrics from Disney's new movie Frozen started repeating themselves in my head:
"Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know. Well, now they know! Let it go! Let it go! Can't hold it back anymore... And I don't care what they're going to say."
For a three letter word, sin sure is intimidating. It can make us lie, cower, and be ashamed. I can only speak for myself, in reality, but I've definitely lied and been ashamed because of sin.
We don't HAVE to be afraid! God has power over sin, and as long as He is on our side, we have power, as well! Don't conceal your sin. Come clean. Be honest. Stop holding on to it. God wants us to let go of the pain, the shame that is caused by sin. He wants to set us free.
Let God set you free. Take a deep breath and step out into the unknown: go to confession.
Besides, the cold never bothered us anyway.
Saturday, January 18, 2014
And God said "Go"
1 Samuel 3:10 says “Speak, for your servant is listening.” That was my prayer for all of winter break, I prayed that God reveal His plan for me, because I was ready.
And like a slingshot, God pulled me back a bit, and then shot me out into the world.
God was all:
And I was like:
But for real. I feel like my full potential is just beginning to be realized. God is calling me to lead others to Him. Ready or not, my life is beginning.
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
Thursday, January 9, 2014
Sometimes I win.
Today, I got my driver's permit. Due to the fact I'm twenty years old, and sixteen is the legal age in CT to get your driver's permit, some of you may be confused as to why I'm bragging about this.
Here's why: I took the test for the first time when I was sixteen. I psyched myself out and failed. I took it again right before my eighteenth birthday, and failed again. My anxiety told me it was because I was dumb and not ready to drive. Actually, it told me I was worthless and too messed up to be able to drive. Ever.
Even though I didn't have my permit, I'd practice driving with my parents. The knowledge that my driving wasn't legal caused a lot of anxiety within me. Over Easter break last year, I was backing out of the driveway when I almost drove through my neighbor's fence. I burst into tears, and refused to get behind the wheel again. My anxiety won.
My anxiety has been more controlled lately, so two weeks ago, I made an appointment to retake the test, for the third time. After prayer, and lots and LOTS of studying, I went to the DMV today.
I was terrified as I sat at the computer screen. Some questions, I had NO idea of what the answer could be. I was certain that I was going to fail. But when I clicked 'finish test'... I discovered I had slayed the dragon that was my anxiety.
If you ask me, I screw up all the time. I allow for my mental illnesses to take hold of me, and to run my life. I fail. But today, I won. And that's an accomplishment that I'm proud of.