An Open Letter to the Girl Who Looks at Porn

To the girl who looks at porn:

Hi. My name is Katie, and there's a great possibility that you don't know me, and never will. But if you'll allow me, I'd like to talk to you as a friend, as a sister, even. You see, we're quite alike, you and me. We both dream of being loved, unconditionally and without restriction. We search for that love. And we fall. We get back up, and we fall again. We feel hopeless and inadequate and lose faith. And sometimes we feel disgusting. Worst of all, we feel alone.

Here's the thing: we're not alone. For the past ten years I've struggled with pornography and masturbation and using them as coping skills for loneliness, boredom, depression, anger, etc. Every time I'd stumble, I'd look in the mirror with complete disgust at my reflection. What was wrong with me?

My self-hatred and disgust with myself wasn't helped when I realized I needed help. Google informed me that my struggles were actually a man's problem. Apparently, women just didn't struggle with this.

Google lied to me that day. Women DO struggle with pornography, and in fact, approximately eighteen percent of all women look at pornography daily. But we struggle in silence. I think Audrey Assad said it best. Women who struggle with pornography and masturbation are in single cells in a huge state prison: we think we're the only ones in the prison. Why is this? Because society teaches that 1) Pornography is a normal thing that guys do and it's just the fact of life and 2) Pornography is a normal thing that guys do. This makes us think that here's something wrong and we should be ashamed of our struggle with porn and/or masturbation.

When Jesus was crucified, it lead up to the most incredible, unbelievable moment of history: the resurrection. His darkest moments lead to the world's brightest. He conquered sin and death, so that it could have no power over us.

We are called to be children of the light.

I'm not going to lie to you: I still struggle with looking at porn and masturbation. And I still feel ashamed. I'll look at myself and feel like I have no right to God's love. That I am too far gone for His love, if He had known the choices I would make in my life, He wouldn't have died for me.

But here's the thing: God knows from the inside out. Psalm 139 says: You formed my inmost being; you knit me in my mother's womb. He knit our entire selves, our whole selves. Each hair, each fingernail, each struggle, thought, hope, dream, fear. He knit them together and made a miracle that is uniquely you.

Each thread, each stitch is a part of God's divine plan. And He looks with you with such love, because you are His.

Remember that your struggles do not, have not, and will never define you. You are so much more. There is hope. You are not alone.

Love,
Katie

PS

Here are some resources for you to check out:

Beggar's Daughter - A Christian ministry specifically for women who struggle with porn/masturbation.
The Porn Effect - a Catholic ministry for both men and women struggling with porn and/or masturbation (my personal favorite)
Fight the New Drug - a secular resource

Image via Flickr, CC 2.0

Patron Saint of the Spring Semester

St. Mary Magdalene, Pray for Us!

Like last semester, I used Jennifer Fulweiler's Saint Generator to ask for the intercession of a saint as I embark on my last semester as a junior. I got a saint I know, and have always felt was a kindred spirit: St. Mary Magdalene! (The funny part is that my patron saint for 2015 is St. Mary Magdalene de Pazzi, who is named after St. Mary Magdalene... She's a creepin' on me.)

St. Mary Magdalene was considered to be a great sinner, and felt no remorse for her lifestyle... until she met Jesus. She wept when she saw Him, and washed His feet with her tears and hair. Despite her sins, Jesus loved her, and she Him. She stood vigil at the foot of the cross with The Blessed Mother, and was the first person Jesus revealed Himself to after His resurrection. You can read more about this beautiful woman here.

Saint Mary Magdalene, woman of many sins, who by conversion became the beloved of Jesus, thank you for your witness that Jesus forgives through the miracle of love. You, who already possess eternal happiness in His glorious presence, please intercede for me, so that some day I may share in the same everlasting joy. Amen.

please intercede for me, so that some day
I may share in the same everlasting joy.

Amen.

Saint of the Year: 2015

St. Mary Magdalene de Pazzi, Pray for Us!

For the second year in a row, I used Jennifer Fulweiler's saint generator to ask God to choose a saint who would intercede for me for 2015.

After praying that God would choose a saint whom I would connect to and would lead me closer to Him, I got St. Mary Magdalene de Pazzi. I had never heard about her before this, but when reading her biography, the thing that struck me most about her life was the period of temptation and spiritual dryness. Despite this, she fought through this dark period and remained close to God. You can read more about this beautiful saint here!

Saint Mary Magdalene de Pazzi, pray that we will make a commitment to seek the presence of God in prayer the way you did. Guide us to see the graces God gives us as gifts not rewards and to respond with gratitude and humility, not pride and selfishness. Amen