Have Courage and Be Kind

On Easter Sunday, my family and I went to see Cinderella. I'm a big fan of fairy tales, and Kenneth Branagh's directing (Much Ado About Nothing, anyone?), so I knew I'd love it, but what really struck me was how Ella dealt with the suffering and pain she experienced throughout her life.

I'm a big believer that we have a choice on how we react to bad things that happen to us: 1) we can become bitter and angry, and let our struggles become our identity or 2) allow our suffering to become something greater and allow a phoenix to rise from our ashes.

As her beloved mother lies on her death bed, she gives Ella some invaluable advice: Have courage and be kind. It's simple, basic advice, but it's the advice that keeps Ella going. After the death of both her parents, Ella could have turned to anger, to bitterness, but instead, she chose to be courageous and kind. As seen in the movie, it's not an easy path. She is treated as a slave by her cruel stepmother and sisters, but instead of retaliation or revenge, she continues to face her problems head on.

That's what makes her so beautiful. Think about it. The stepmother, played by the flawless Cate Blanchett, is beautiful, absolutely gorgeous... on the outside. But her cruelty towards Ella makes her despicable. When the audience gets a taste of Lady Tremaine's back story, things make a little more sense. She is twice widowed, and was deeply in love with her first husband. She, too, has suffered. She was always the second choice of her second husband, and lived in the shadow of his first wife and beloved daughter. She is not cruel for cruelness' sake, but because she has been hurt.

But so has Ella. And she rises above it. In fact, at the end of the movie, she is able to face her tormentor and tell her: I forgive you. It couldn't have been easy for Ella to say that, but she chose to. She looked at her stepmother and saw her humanity. This is what we are called to. Our struggles should not break us down and cripple us, rather they should lift us to be Christlike, to love.

In the credits, a beautiful song, Strong sung by Sonna Rele, played, and the lyrics really stuck out to me. I think they summed up Ella's character, and who we are all called to be;

Let your smile light up the sky, keep your spirit soaring high 

Trust in your heart and your sun shines forever and ever. Hold fast to kindness, your light shines forever and ever. I believe in you and me. We are strong 

A bird all alone on the wind can still be strong and sing

May we act with courage and kindness, not allowing our struggles to define us, but our dignity. We are strong.

"I can do all things in Him who strengthens me" - Philippians 4:13

Like My Mother Does

image via www.cassiepeasedesigns.com

Yesterday was the Feast of the Annunciation, the day that a fourteen year old girl said yes to God and literally saved the world.

When I was fourteen, I didn't even have the ability to sit through a guitar lesson.

But, wow, how beautiful is it that our Momma, without knowing what would come out of it, said 'yes' to bearing God's son?

What if she had said no? What if she had anxiety over how this baby would change her plans? She was supposed to marry Joseph and live a quiet life, and know suddenly she was to be pregnant, and unwed? It was almost a death sentence!

But she said yes. And thank the Lord she did, because she helped save humanity.

That is what we're all called to. To trust God so much, that we say yes, not knowing what that yes leads to. Our heavenly mother is an example of our potential.

God loves us so much that He gave us the ability to say no to His plans. But imagine the beauty that could come from our humble acceptance of His will!

I'm praying for you, that you see the beauty in God's plan for your life, and ask that you pray for me, that I understand the same.

Dear Me

Dear Me,

My 13th birthday party.

Hello from the future! Sadly, there are no flying cars, and no, you're not married to Orlando Bloom. I'm sorry, I did what I could. Also, you didn't win American Idol season 10 (why did you think that would be a thing?!?!)

I know that you're dreaming of the future and everything that you know it's going to be from all the books you've read. By the time you're twenty, you'll be engaged (at least), be GORGEOUS, be an A+ student in college with a job lined up for right after graduation, with the perfect, perfect life. Is that what you're imaging?

Well, stop.

I'm all for you exercising your imagination, but here's the deal: you are who you are. There's not a whole lot you can do to change that. The reason you dream of growing four inches and losing a hundred pounds isn't because of what people like Gretchen think. It's because of what you think.

Society's a liar, Katie. You don't have to be perfectly athletic and tall and blonde to be great. You don't have to be an A+ student and amazing at everything. Greatness is just being yourself.

I know you hate yourself. Don't try to deny it, lady. The scars on your arms prove it. But, there's nothing to hate! Katie, you love so much and so deeply. You care about your friends and family with your entire heart, and because of that, you have made some real, lasting relationships, and will continue to feed these relationships as well as create new ones. You have a smile that can light up an entire room, even if you claim it can't be because of your teeth (they're fine. I promise.)

Sometimes people take advantage of you and hurt you. But it's not your fault. I can't explain it, so I guess I'll just say it; sometimes, people are real assholes. You let them in and they rip your heart out and leave you broken. And you wonder what the point even is. Life. Love. Hope.

You've come so far already, and Katie, wait until you see how far you go at twenty one! You still fall, but I know something, something I wish with all my heart you knew: God loves you so freaking much. 

Not that corny "Jesus loves me this I know for the bible tells me so" love, the love that moves mountains, creates seas, calms storms, brings the dead to life.

Real, heart stopping, death defying love. 

You can sing all the youth group songs you want. But I know your deep dark secret: when the second verse of "You are Loved" comes along, you can't sing it. You know what I'm talking about. The verse that goes like this:

"I am loved. I am beautiful. I am gift of God, His own creation. I am gift to all mankind, His gift of love to them. I am loved, God danced the day I was born".  

You can't sing it, because you know you'd be singing a lie. You don't believe you are loved, that you are beautiful, that you are a gift from God.

Oh, but Katie, you are. You so, so are. I'm tearing up just thinking of how completely, totally precious, loved, and needed, you, Katlyn Marie Therese Freddino were, are, and will be.

I wish I could tell you it all gets better. That everything gets so much easier and makes sense.

It doesn't.

But Katie, it's gets beautiful.

My life right now isn't easy, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I'm surrounded by so much love, so many blessings, so much beauty. 

In a few years, you'll hear these lyrics. I know you'll appreciate them. (you're gonna cry)

You're beautiful. You're beautiful. You were made for so much more than all of this. You're beautiful. You're beautiful. You are treasured, you are sacred, you are HIS.

And during your freshman year of college, you'll hear these lyrics, and you'll cry, because they're the words you've never known how to say.

Am I more than flesh and bone? Am I really something beautiful? I wanna believe... I wanna believe, that I'm not just some wandering soul that can't be seen and can't be known. Yeah, I gotta believe, I gotta believe, that I am someone worth dying for.

And Katie... you are. You are worth dying for. How do I know? Because He already did it. He saw your beauty, and He died for you.

I know you won't believe this. You're too stubborn. But I wish you would.

Stay strong, beautiful. You'll make it.

Love,
You

An Open Letter to the Girl Who Looks at Porn

To the girl who looks at porn:

Hi. My name is Katie, and there's a great possibility that you don't know me, and never will. But if you'll allow me, I'd like to talk to you as a friend, as a sister, even. You see, we're quite alike, you and me. We both dream of being loved, unconditionally and without restriction. We search for that love. And we fall. We get back up, and we fall again. We feel hopeless and inadequate and lose faith. And sometimes we feel disgusting. Worst of all, we feel alone.

Here's the thing: we're not alone. For the past ten years I've struggled with pornography and masturbation and using them as coping skills for loneliness, boredom, depression, anger, etc. Every time I'd stumble, I'd look in the mirror with complete disgust at my reflection. What was wrong with me?

My self-hatred and disgust with myself wasn't helped when I realized I needed help. Google informed me that my struggles were actually a man's problem. Apparently, women just didn't struggle with this.

Google lied to me that day. Women DO struggle with pornography, and in fact, approximately eighteen percent of all women look at pornography daily. But we struggle in silence. I think Audrey Assad said it best. Women who struggle with pornography and masturbation are in single cells in a huge state prison: we think we're the only ones in the prison. Why is this? Because society teaches that 1) Pornography is a normal thing that guys do and it's just the fact of life and 2) Pornography is a normal thing that guys do. This makes us think that here's something wrong and we should be ashamed of our struggle with porn and/or masturbation.

When Jesus was crucified, it lead up to the most incredible, unbelievable moment of history: the resurrection. His darkest moments lead to the world's brightest. He conquered sin and death, so that it could have no power over us.

We are called to be children of the light.

I'm not going to lie to you: I still struggle with looking at porn and masturbation. And I still feel ashamed. I'll look at myself and feel like I have no right to God's love. That I am too far gone for His love, if He had known the choices I would make in my life, He wouldn't have died for me.

But here's the thing: God knows from the inside out. Psalm 139 says: You formed my inmost being; you knit me in my mother's womb. He knit our entire selves, our whole selves. Each hair, each fingernail, each struggle, thought, hope, dream, fear. He knit them together and made a miracle that is uniquely you.

Each thread, each stitch is a part of God's divine plan. And He looks with you with such love, because you are His.

Remember that your struggles do not, have not, and will never define you. You are so much more. There is hope. You are not alone.

Love,
Katie

PS

Here are some resources for you to check out:

Beggar's Daughter - A Christian ministry specifically for women who struggle with porn/masturbation.
The Porn Effect - a Catholic ministry for both men and women struggling with porn and/or masturbation (my personal favorite)
Fight the New Drug - a secular resource

Image via Flickr, CC 2.0

Allowing yourself to be loved after loving

In November I helped lead a retreat that really changed my life. I gave my testimony, lead a small group, and found Jesus all over again. I loved more than I ever have in my life, and leading the girls on retreat was one of the best experiences in my life. I put my entire heart into planning and leading this weekend.

And then it ended.

Don't get me wrong, my desire and need to love others continued, it continued intensely. But, I was unable to allow myself to be loved, by God or others.

The relationships I had made on the weekend were incredible, founded on vulnerability, openness, and a desire for relationship with Christ. But many of these friendships were with girls who I had led, who I was supposed to lead to Christ. After that weekend, vulnerability and openness about my hurts, pain and struggles was nonexistent with these beautiful women I considered sisters.

In my testimony, I talked about my depression. It's a taboo topic for me in some ways, I hate admitting my mental illness, and often I feel like once I admit my flaws and allow my loved ones to see me at my worst, they'll be afraid and run.

What if the people I trust run away from me? 

It's a common fear, being afraid of our own flaws and what will happen when others see them. Fear is the reason we keep these flaws in the dark.

In the Gospel of John, Jesus says: "I am the Light of the world; he who follows Me will not walk in the darkness, but will have the Light of life." - John 8:12. We are not meant to live in darkness, no matter how scary, awful, and just plain dark our lives get. We are the people of light and love. Let there be light.

At Jesus' most vulnerable, the night of His death, he was alone. The man He told to build His Church denied even knowing Him. One of His best friends put a price on his life. What was it? Twenty pieces of silver for a friend? Throughout His mission, people followed him all over, He had twelve steady apostles who all said "Aw, bro, yeah, we'll do anything for ya!" When He was carrying His cross, a complete stranger was the one who helped out. Not one of the people who declared Him Lord, not the blind man who was now able to see, but a random man picked from the crowd. Besides His Mother (God love her), complete strangers were the one who carried His cross, wiped His face, wept for Him.

At the foot of the cross was John, a young boy, Mary Magdalene, who may or may not have been freed from demons (no one really knows, but she's still a boss), and His mother.

How could this be? Jesus is God. He didn't have to be so alone. When picking His disciples, He could have chosen people who would've stuck by Him, but He chose these sinful, flawed people, knowing full well the abandonment that was to follow.

Please, I beg you, don't let fear ruin your chances of loveAllow people to see your wounds and scars. There is no deeper love than the love of one who sees them, and sees beauty and strength. You deserve that love, whether in a friendship or romantic relationship. Allow yourself and your scars to be loved. 

You are worthy of love. Real, true, heart racing, lay down my life for love. Seek friendships and relationships that encourage this love.

"We love, because He first loved us." - 1 John 4:19