Sometimes I Fall Down.

I've been quite honest about my struggle with pornography and masturbation, but I've never been quite honest about my struggle. I've always alluded to the problem, but never really elaborated.

Don't worry, I'm not going to go into the graphic details. But I'm going to say something that I really don't want to admit.

Guys, this struggle is really hard, and sometimes I think there's no hope for me to stop. Just when I think I'm on the right track, I fall. Or I fall, and fall, and fall, and fall and wonder if there's such thing as "the right track".

It sucks. Lately I've been doing better, or at least trying to be nicer and more forgiving to myself.

I've gone a week without sinning, but recently gave into temptation once again. As soon as it launched, I downloaded the Victory app, which helps you keep track of your struggle as you fight the battle. Friends, it's amazing. It allows you to do three daily check-ins, and examines triggers. There's also a little book written by Matt Fradd and Jason Evert you can get. I've been trying to keep track daily,

My sister has been amazing. I recently came clean about my struggles, and she has been so supportive in helping me fight temptation. We talked about my triggers, and she's actually been taking my phone at night so I don't have it in bed. It's rough not having an alarm, but I'm planning on getting this one tomorrow. Going old school. I'm hoping that this habit will be something I'll be able to continue with one of my suitemates once I get back to school.

Before going to sleep, I try to do some reading. I made it a goal of mine to read the entirety of the Catechism, so I've been reading a few paragraphs of it each night. In addition, I'm reading Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell and Meet Your Mother by Mark Miravalle (my sister's favorite professor).

Finally, when I get in bed, I begin to pray the rosary. Sometimes I fall asleep while praying, but on the nights I pray this incredible prayer, I rarely sin, if ever.

If you're struggling, I recommend reading Matt Fradd's incredible book, Delivered as well as downloading the Victory app (link above).

Please pray for me, and know of my prayers for you. Friends, we were made for so much more than this. But, know that our struggles only make us stronger, and that we are fighting the good fight.

May you be made strong with all the strength that comes from his glorious power, and may you  be prepared to endure everything with patience, while joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has enabled you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the light. - Colossians 1:11-12

Keep going.