I'm Not Strong Enough

Can we all just talk super quick about how hard it is to ask for help? Whether it be with a project, or affording something, or during a time of doubt, it's probably one of the hardest things to do. When you ask for help, it's a rejection of pride and an admission to yourself and others that maybe, just maybe you don't have it all together.

Basically if we're not able to do it ourselves, we're weak. Or at least that's what we're told to believe. But in reality, the strongest people are the ones who are able to put aside their pride, and admit that they need help.

When I was first diagnosed with depression and anxiety, my mom made it clear that I could never put my problems on someone else. I had a hard time drawing the line of what was appropriate to mention and what was inappropriate. I'd say things about self-harm or my hospitalizations, and my mom would give me the "that's too much information" or "you're making other people feel bad/uncomfortable talks".

And so I learned to never, ever talk about how I felt with my friends.

It wasn't until my senior year of high school that a friend encouraged me to share my difficulties with her. I remember being pretty dumbfounded, and tread carefully when telling her about my problems.

She loved me after that, too.

My freshman year of college was basically a miracle. Everyone kept telling me how amazing I was doing and how proud they were of me. Which, when things got hard, made it so hard for me to ask for any help. I couldn't let everyone down. I was strong enough.

But, gosh, I wasn't. I'm still not. None of us are. Jesus wasn't strong enough to carry His cross on His own. Simon had to help Him out.

Sometimes, we can't do it on our own. And that's okay. God created us to be in community, with others and with Him. Don't be afraid to reach out to Him, and to those He has placed in your life.

Hands of Mercy, won't you cover me? Lord right now I'm asking you to be strong enough, strong enough, for both of us.