100 Happy Days: Day 6

This is my dog, Thecla. I snapped a picture of her just as she decided it was time to lick her face.

100 Happy Days: Day 5

I posted this on Mothers' Day. It's a picture of my mom hugging me after I got my first tattoo, "strength" on my wrist. She encouraged me getting it, and never fails to remind me just how strong I am.

100 Happy Days: Day 4

Finding out I got an A in my Theology class, Lay Ministry, was the highlight of my week.

100 Happy Days: Day 3

Defending the Impractical Students

As of Thursday, I am officially halfway done with my college career. I can't even believe it. Freshman year went by so slow, but Sophomore year? I feel like I blinked, and then I was done.

I started off the fall semester  but finally taking the classes needed for my majors. I took Introduction to Literary Study I, and Introduction to Christian Theology. I also discovered that I'm good at philosophy, and really like it, to boot! Because I hate myself, I declared myself an English and Theology Major with a minor in Philosophy.

[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="279"] Katie before declaring her double major and minor.[/caption]

[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="332"] Katie post-declaration of double major and minor.[/caption]

But really, I am so glad I took on that Philosophy minor. It goes beautifully with Theology and English, and I have learned so much because of the classes I've taken and the skills they have taught me. Even though Theology, English, & Philosophy are considered to be three of the most useless majors (rude), I am so passionate about all three and the good they can do in the world.

Really, is any major "practical"? It's incredibly rare for college students to find a job in their major right after graduation, and most majors require a Masters' degree to get anything done. You can't really do anything with a psychology or sociology degree unless you go to school for at least two more years.

There are going to be people who judge me for my decisions, but there are also so many people who support me, and even respect me for it. Something I have learned is that, often, my biggest judge is myself.  That's also the hardest judge to defend myself to. I can tell everyone why I've chosen my majors, "Because it's what I love", but when my inner judge comes out, no defense  is good enough to excuse my "crime" of impractical majors.

I find myself second guessing my English major almost daily, "Should I have gone with communications instead? What if no one wants to hire me simply because I'm an English major?" Maybe choosing communications would have been more practical, but it wouldn't have led me to the self-discovery and passion I've found as an English major.

In the long run, I hope that's what matter. When I'm sitting in a job interview, and my interviewer asks why I chose English as opposed to communications, maybe "because I loved it. Because I wanted to learn to analyze, and understand, and write about what I analyzed and understood. I wanted to see how the world influences art, and how art influences the world. I am learning that.

Would I love to have  a big house with a super stable job and a steady and heavy income? Well, duh. I am human. But I also know that things aren't going to make me happy. If depression has taught me anything, it is that you can get everything you want, and still feel worthless and unloved. Happiness is found in God.

I started this blog post out as "lessons I've learned after sophomore year" and it morphed into this... thing. Yeah, I'm not really sure what it is. But, I guess that's life, huh?

 

 

100 Happy Days: Day 1

This picture was taken the Saturday before finals. I was studying in the library with a friend for our American History class, which was also my hardest class. To help keep me awake, I got my favorite drink, and it made studying just that much better.

100 Happy Days: Day 2

The best study break? Watching the show you used to love when you were five :)

Empty Shelf Challenge Update (May)

At the beginning of the year, I decided to do the Empty Shelf Challenge that Jon Acuff is running. At the beginning/end of every month, I've been wanting to do an update and say which books I've read in that month, buuuuttt, I've forgotten every time. Except now! Here it is: The books I've read for the Empty Shelf Challenge 2014!

January

Allegiant by Veronica Roth

The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins *

February

The Dead by James Joyce ~

The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde ~

Mrs. Warren's Profession by George Bernard Shaw ~

March

Forgiveness and Love by Glen Pettigrove ~

The End of the Affair by Graham Greene ~

The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie by Muriel Spark ~

A Study in Scarlet by Arthur Conan Doyle ~

Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl by Harriet Jacobs ~

April

The French Lieutenant's Woman by John Fowles ~

The Reader by Bernhard Schlink ~

The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini ~

Atonement by Ian McEwan ~*

Maggie: A Girl of the Streets by Stephen Crane ~

Arcadia by Tom Stoppard ~

~read for school

*reread

Roll Away My Stone

As I said in my previous post, my Lent was not as fruitful as I had thought it would be on Ash Wednesday. I failed in all of my sacrifices and additional prayers I had promised to partake in, and I felt like I was moving backwards in my spiritual life instead of forwards. I recently figured out why my Lent had been so difficult.

It all began back in January or February. I was feeling depressed. It wasn't a big deal, I have major depressive disorder: feeling depressed comes with the package. For the most part, I was able to get over it on my own, so I didn't really feel a need to talk about it with my therapist or my mom, or anyone. However, I had no idea that the depression had taken a toll on not only on my mental and emotional health, but my spiritual life as well.

Since then, my prayer life has decreased, and I've been thinking things along the lines of "I'm fine without God's help". I was locked inside a tomb, blocked by a stone and unable to see the light.

But at the Easter Vigil, I felt something. I felt Jesus' presence so strongly that I wanted to cry. As Jesus' stone was rolled away and truth was brought to light, it felt like a stone that had been in my own heart was being rolled away.

Lord, I ask to to roll away all stones which are keeping me from being with you. Bring me to the light and let me live in your presence.

Good Friday Confessions.

All this week, I've seen posts about how wonderful an experience this Lent was for people. How they've grown closer to God, and learned humility, and their sacrifices all worked out.

And then there's this girl.

I'm the girl who deleted the facebook and twitter apps from her phone, but didn't have enough self control to stay off of the sites from Safari. I told myself I wasn't using the apps so I wasn't *really* breaking my sacrifice.

I'm the girl who made the promise to go to daily mass every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, but in the entirety of Lent, went about five times.

I went to confession on Sunday night. And about two hours later, I sinned again.

And now as Lent's over, I felt angry at God that I didn't have some great spiritual experience. But, really, there's no reason to be angry.

I'm human. I'm gonna fall. I'm gonna get back up again, but chances are, I'll fall back down.

That's what Lent was like for me. A whole lot of falling and getting back up.

But: I got up. I didn't stay on the ground. I got back up.

My friend Christine wrote a great post that really spoke to me as I was struggling after my confession and immediate sinning. Through this weakness, God is giving me grace.

Tomorrow, I will be going to confession again. I'm getting back up, and I'm going to run.