There's no such thing as a small victory.

Yesterday, I was super sad. Like, I climbed up in bed and cried for a good hour sad. It was not pretty. I remember when I was crying to myself, I was afraid that this meant that I was going to be in a major depression for the rest of the semester, like last year. But somehow, I was able to reach out to a friend, and told her I needed to talk.

I never did that last year. I kept it inside until it hurt, and refused to tell anyone, including my mom and therapist. But this time, I reached out and asked for help.

I referred to my ability to do that as "a small victory", but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it wasn't small, in the least.

I could have decided to stay in bed crying, feeling sorry for myself, instead of reaching out and asking for help. I could have resorted to self harm, which I had in the past.

But I didn't.

That's no small victory. That's just... a victory. And it shows just how far I've come since this time last year.

There's no such thing as a small victory. Every victory is a sign of strength in its own way. Don't downplay your successes by calling them small. They're awesome, and I'm proud of you!

God is too. He doesn't require we succeed in big huge ways, every small success, He's so proud of us. He really is. He only asks that we try.

And if you don't succeed, He's right there, with a hand outstretched, ready to brush you off and help you try again. Reach out to Him. He wants to love you. Don't forget: saints are just sinners who got back up.

I'll be praying for you, warrior. Please pray for me!

A prayer request

Dear friends,

 

I know I haven't blogged lately, but I'm trusting that you will respond to the prayer request I have for you. A newly hired professor at my school lost two of his young daughters (aged three and six) on Tuesday by the means of a car accident. Please keep the souls of Olivia and Emma in your prayers, as well as their parents, Sean and Becca, and their surviving sister, Vivian. 

If you have even five dollars to spare, I urge that you donate it to this fund which is raising money to help with medical expenses, funeral arrangements, and other support that the family will need. Not all scars are visible, and this family is going to need the help of God and His people on earth.

God bless, and if you have a prayer request for me to post, please let me know!

46 Things to do for Lent!

 

"As Lent is the time for greater love, listen to Jesus' thirst...'Repent and believe' Jesus tells us. What are we to repent? Our indifference, our hardness of heart. What are we to believe? Jesus thirsts even now, in your heart and in the poor -- He knows your weakness. He wants only your love, wants only the chance to love you." -Blessed Teresa of Calcutta

'Twas the night before Lent... and we don't know what to do!

If that is you, I hope you find this post helpful!

For Advent, I came up with 40 different things we could do to prepare for the birth of Christ, and decided to do something similar for the upcoming Lenten season.

If you're anything like me, you have a really tough time coming up with what to do for Lent. I've been doing research for the past week or so, and decided to put my favorite ideas into one blog post (while giving credit to the original authors, of course!) as a resource for myself and for others.

1. 40 Bags in 40 Days
2. Choose 40 specific people (or 46, if you want to include Sundays) to pray for, one for each day of Lent.
3. Read about the saints whose feast days fall in Lent. Pray to them and ask for their intercession. 
4.   (from here)
5. Do the CRAK Instagram challenge!
6. Don't eat the last bite of your food (From Lifeteen)
7. Watch The Mission (from Here)
8. Fast from Facebook
9. Pray for those who will enter the Church at the Easter Vigil.
10. Do the Lenten Photo a Day Journey
11. Give up all drinks except water
12. Park at the very back of the parking lot (From Lifeteen)
13. Watch The Way (From Here)
14. Do a liquid fast 1x a week (From Domestic Fashionista)
15. Make your bed every day (From Catholic All Year) - - my bed is lofted, so this is actually a big challenge I will be taking up for Lent!
16. Do an audio retreat
17. Do the Lenten Boot Camp (or parts of it!)
18. Give up apps on your smartphone (From Lifeteen)
19. Watch Bella (From Here)
20. Fast from listening to music in the car (From Domestic Fashionista)
21. Go to mass one more time than you usually do (or even more!)
22. Read Pope Francis' The Light of Faith
23. Don't eat out (From Catholic All Year)
24. Read Pope Francis' Evangelii Gaudium
25. Give up your bed and sleep on the floor or the couch (From Lifeteen)
26. Give up texting and call whomever you need to talk to (From Lifeteen)
27. Watch The Song of Bernadette (From Here)
28. Give up TV and movies (or one of the others)
29. Do a daily Examination of Conscience. (I use Mea Culpa, an app from Apple)
30. Pray the Divine Office Daily (There are some great apps out there you can use on a smart phone or tablet... I love Laudate! It's also F R E E!)
31. Fast on more than just the required days
32. Give away 10 shirts, 2 pairs of pants, and a pair of shoes (From Lifeteen)
33. Read Pope Francis' Message for Lent 2014
34. Pray Lectio Divina
35. Make a list of forty people who have impacted your life, and write each one a letter (From Lifeteen)
36. When you wake up, jump out of bed, kiss the floor, and learn humility (From Lifeteen)
37. Wake up at a specific time every morning (From Catholic All Year)
38. Do Bob Rice's Forty Day Spiritual Workout. I use the iPhone app, but you can also sign up to receive daily devotions sent to your email right here!
39. Give up using the facebook and twitter apps on your phone or iPad and only check when you are at a computer.
40. Wear the same 4 outfits for all of lent (From Lifeteen)
41. Fast from wearing any stretchy pants (From Catholic All Year)
42. Everyday do 20 (or 100) pushups and offer it up for someone who’s sick (From Lifeteen)
43. Clean your house (or dorm, or bedroom, or bathroom!) every week (From Catholic All Year)
44. Leave a post-it with a positive message on it wherever you go (From Lifeteen) (Also... check out Operation Beautiful!)
45. Drink tea instead of coffee (From Catholic All Year)
46. Cut out all screen-time (phone, TV, computer) after dinner (From Lifeteen)

I hope that this is of some use to you! What are you giving up? Let me know in the comments! I'm genuinely curious and want to do a little project with the data I get :)

When God says No.

[caption id="" align="alignleft" width="310"] So.. He doesn't say no?[/caption]

I have this picture up in my room. And I firmly believe that God will never leave me hanging, and that whatever happens, it happens for a reason. 

But sometimes it feels like He's saying no.

Around a year ago, I applied to lead a retreat on campus. I didn't get it, and I was heartbroken. I realize now that a huge challenge was about to come my way, and I was not prepared to lead this retreat and take care of myself during this obstacle. The next semester, I took it to prayer, and I heard God's answer loud and clear: NO. 

I remember being thrown back. No? But I was ready! I wanted this! But I heard it again, "No."

I was disheartened, but I trusted that God had a plan. That semester, my faith life flourished in ways it hadn't before. When the time to apply for this semester's retreat, I applied. My faith life was incredible. Life was amazing, and I was ready. I had my interview, and I thought it went great. My friends all assured me I would get it. 

But then, I didn't. They explained to me their reasoning, and confirmed that my interview was great. They also asked that I apply again next semester. I understood, but it felt like God was giving me more nos.

I had thought about transferring, but whenever I took it to prayer, I felt so strongly that God had put me where I was for a reason. It made me nervous, and kind of annoyed, to be honest, but I've stayed. 

When all my friends were asked to be FOCUS student leaders and I wasn't, I stayed. I waited. 

It just felt like He was saying no a lot. And that's caused me a lot of despair in my faith life. I've been struggling in prayer, and had no desire to go to mass for the past few weeks. 

And now I understand. God's never said no. God's said "trust me". I'VE been the one who said no, no to trusting.

I ask that as Lent approaches, you keep me in your prayers. I pray I will learn, through the example of Our Blessed Mother, to say "YES" to God's will, whether it is what I want or not. 

So... I'm writing a book?

One of my New Year's Resolutions was to finish a book I had the idea for at the end of December. It was a Catholic young woman's daily devotional, using scripture, song lyrics, and quotes, and then having a reflection for each one.

I'm really excited about it, and I'd like to ask for your help! If you would like to write a reflection, please comment on this post and I'll get in contact with you!

Let Sin Go.

[caption id="" align="alignleft" width="275"] Wanna feel this free? Try the sacrament of Reconciliation![/caption]

On Sunday, I hiked up a mountain to mass at the shrine on campus. I sat alone and asked God to keep me focused on what was important and to reveal Himself to me. When it came time for the homily, the priest spent his time talking about the beautiful sacrament of Reconciliation. At one point, he said something along the lines of:

"People might want you to conceal your sin, to hide it. But God wants you to be honest and open, to come to Him with your sin."

At that moment, the following lyrics from Disney's new movie Frozen started repeating themselves in my head:

"Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know. Well, now they know! Let it go! Let it go! Can't hold it back anymore... And I don't care what they're going to say."

For a three letter word, sin sure is intimidating. It can make us lie, cower, and be ashamed. I can only speak for myself, in reality, but I've definitely lied and been ashamed because of sin.

We don't HAVE to be afraid! God has power over sin, and as long as He is on our side, we have power, as well! Don't conceal your sin. Come clean. Be honest. Stop holding on to it. God wants us to let go of the pain, the shame that is caused by sin. He wants to set us free.

Let God set you free. Take a deep breath and step out into the unknown: go to confession.

Besides, the cold never bothered us anyway.

And God said "Go"

1 Samuel 3:10 says “Speak, for your servant is listening.” That was my prayer for all of winter break, I prayed that God reveal His plan for me, because I was ready.

And like a slingshot, God pulled me back a bit, and then shot me out into the world. 

God was all: 

And I was like:

 

 

But for real. I feel like my full potential is just beginning to be realized. God is calling me to lead others to Him. Ready or not, my life is beginning. 

Eros and Agape in Disney's Frozen

Wonderful!

Sometimes I win.

Today, I got my driver's permit. Due to the fact I'm twenty years old, and sixteen is the legal age in CT to get your driver's permit, some of you may be confused as to why I'm bragging about this.

Here's why: I took the test for the first time when I was sixteen. I psyched myself out and failed. I took it again right before my eighteenth birthday, and failed again. My anxiety told me it was because I was dumb and not ready to drive. Actually, it told me I was worthless and too messed up to be able to drive. Ever. 

Even though I didn't have my permit, I'd practice driving with my parents. The knowledge that my driving wasn't legal caused a lot of anxiety within me. Over Easter break last year, I was backing out of the driveway when I almost drove through my neighbor's fence. I burst into tears, and refused to get behind the wheel again. My anxiety won.

My anxiety has been more controlled lately, so two weeks ago, I made an appointment to retake the test, for the third time. After prayer, and lots and LOTS of studying, I went to the DMV today.

I was terrified as I sat at the computer screen. Some questions, I had NO idea of what the answer could be. I was certain that I was going to fail. But when I clicked 'finish test'... I discovered I had slayed the dragon that was my anxiety.

If you ask me, I screw up all the time. I allow for my mental illnesses to take hold of me, and to run my life. I fail. But today, I won. And that's an accomplishment that I'm proud of.

Saint of the Year: 2014

A friend of mine posted about using this website to find a patron saint for the new year. I thought that it sounded like a lovely devotion, and I never deny help from God's friends upstairs.

The saint I was given was St. Nicholas, which made me excited. I know his feast day and that he punched a heretic (thanks Catholic Memes!), but that's really it, so I'm super excited to get to know him better this year and for his intercession in my life.